thunder and lightning.

I liked it when it rain. The smell. The raindrops. Cause when it rains, everything seems to stop. Everything seems to quieten down. It gives me time to ponder, to think about what happened. It allows me to pause amidst the busy schedule of a J2 student and really deep think. How many opportunities do u think you will have to deep think. Zilch actually. back to Kinetics.

I lost my treasure, can you let me see your chest?

It has been so long ever since I last blogged. Well, it was largely due to the fact that I was damn busy. the last month was solely devoted to orientation. Orientation just ended and I guessed its really time to start studying and preparing for CTs. I seriously think I have too much on my plate. h3 Chem, Council, Piano, Studies. GAH. Im about to crumble. Really. I have no time for myself. Its like wts. Take for example, next monday I dont even have a single break cause my breaks are taken up by consultations and make ups. I only have a break at 6pm. FML. and then we need to clean up the SCC. fuck how long is this going to last. haha. Suddenly, the procastination video comes into my mind. damn funny. I better sleep like NOW. cause i got hell loads to do tmrw. GAHHHHH.

utter

you only believe it when you se

like the fallen leaves of last autumn

The past week has been so hectic! There was econs project discussion on monday, open house GM on tuesday and yesterday had SA SWOT. I guessed this is just the beginning. 7 more events to go. I just cant wait. But, I dont know why I have been so restless these few days. I just cannot sit down and do my homework. Like I will suddenly stand up and dance walk awhile before going back. No stamina le. Well besides that, I am so overwhelmed by how time is passing by so fast. School is starting next monday already and is already 2010. I can still remember 2003 as if it was yesterday. So this year is a new year and i hope i can sweep up all the fallen leaves of last autumn and start afresh. Move on.

Instant Noodles

I guessed everyone ate instant noodles before, and most people do love it. Why? Cause its quick,it provides you gastronomical comfort without any hassle and you can just chuck it in the bin when you are done with it or it has already done its job of satisfying your hungry tummy. There are all kind of instant noodles. I still remember the worst instant noodles I had. It was in India. We were all looking for comfort food, away from all the curry. Guess what, we did what we always do with cup noodles, fill it with hot water and wait patiently for a few minutes for the noodles to soften before indulging. When we opened our lid, to our horror the noodles turned dry, the water had disappeared! It turned out that in India, the instant noodles are dry and guess what flavour it is, Curry. ==

Anyway, the reason why i was talking about instant noodles was not cause of the India incident but because I guessed instant noodles was a good analogy to relationships. Yes, human relationships. We all get hunger pangs ( when we feel alone, lonely) and the grumbling stomach would be urging us to get something to ease the hunger pangs.Yes, and whats more easier than instant noodles right? Who can not plead guilty to just scrolling on your msn to find someone avaliable to talk to when you feel alone, and that person could be someone you didn talk to since eons ago.  In a sense, what you have is an RFC ( relationship for convenience). We all commit this error. You dont care about that person’s survival until you actually you need that person. How shallow are we. Heh. Yes, I grew up to realise that this world is not as perfect as it seems. Well, back to the instant noodles. After you have satisfy your loneliness a.k.a your hunger, you tell your friend to keep in contact and in the end, god knows when will be the next time you all will talk. welcome to the real world.

okay, i guess that was quite nonsensical ramble. Im held captive at my parents office. grounded for one whole week for doing absolutely nothing. yes, nothing. and wait im 17 and im still grounded. yea, embarrassing much.  whatever la. a few more months to freedom.

The forbidden fruit

I went for a gathering today that was supposedly with my previous CCA mates and I guessed i took some learning points from the entire experience.

You must be thinking that, wahh only a gathering sia, why got learning points wan. nothing better to do ar.

BUT, I think I observed alot and i realised alot of things. Firstly, I realise how hypocrtical people can be. Well this will be a really long story but heck I will just say it. Okay, I have a junior. Let him be B. He was sort of like my favourite junior. Like we would practise together and all that kind of shit. Like brother brother ( you know what I mean). But, after awhile, he realise that Im so boring ( I didnt really have much of a social life then) that he started hanging out with my good  ex good friend R. Well, R and me were really tight, but things happened and all so yea, leave that story to another day. Anyway, R and B and the other juniors started hanging out really often and I realise that B and me were distancing alot. And I didnt like it. yea you could think that I was sort of jealous but hey whatever.( its instinct). Then i realise why B was hanging out with R. That was because R was holding an important leadership position in the CCA and that it would made life so much easier for B to survive through and get into his good books.  I sort of leave it that I guess.

Two years later.

It was time for me and my batch to leave as we graduate. B assumed a worthy enough leadership position I suppose and we were tasked by the teachers to monitor the new batch and ensure that they have an easier time. It was now then B started talking to me again. He told me he didnt like R much, which was hugely astonishing and that he was just accomodating him. I sorta believed him and I realised that hey, maybe B wasnt so bad after all. I helped him, gave him advice on what to do and all and we were sort of on good terms again.

Today.

Ever since we left the school. I heard that B had DSA-ed into R’s school and what-have-you. Didn really put much thought into it. But today, B was sticking to R like glue sia. Like hello, I thought you hated him that much? Why stick with him and all. Dude, its not as if he is even that good in the first place.  Thats when everything just fall into place. Like really, people can do whatever to get what they want. hypocritical bitch.

Secondly, I realise its the people that made me lose my interest in the CCA. i was once very passionate and dedicated. But now, I heck care. I still like music but I guess its not as deep as it is. Why would you want to dive into something that has so many politics woven under its delicate exterior. That is why I called it quits, I hate complicated human relations. That is why I refuse to go to the same school as R. That was why I declined the appeal request. That is why Im here.

P.S( PDA is okay in front of strangers, not your friends. Please don gross me out, I still need to have my dinner)

I just seem to be unable to grow tall.

As I looked at my friends, I realised I am the only one still so short. Sian, I ve been stretching and jumping and doing whatever thing that makes me tall but no, nothing, zilch. no growth. I cant even blame my genes cause my brother is taller than me. One less excuse.  Okay, im random about being talking about my height.As in I want to say something else but I dunno why I suddenly talked about my height. Maybe not enough sleep.

Anyway I think everyone should go catch AVATAR. Its damn awesome. To think when I first saw the trailer somewhere in october. Two things came up to my mind 1) This bear no resemblance to the AVATAR on Nickelodeon. 2) The guys are such bad actors. Didn they know Aang was not blue in colour.  In the end, This movie which bear no relations to the Avatar on Nickelodeon is so awesome. My mouthwas wide open for the whole of the 3 hours. so yea. you can imagine how awesome it was.

All I want for christmas.

I think i just posted yesterday. but oh well, im really bored. Well i think i did spent my christmas eve pretty well with my family at the charcoal grill. The beef was sooo awesome and and the prawns were so fresh! I guessed i ate alot. That was why i felt so guilty and decided to end my pigging streak by going to run. heh. I don think it will help alot though. I guessed it was very well spent. Oh well, ANYWAY… i really got nothing to do so i shall go find something to do. ciao.

I really really dont know.

grah. I dont know why I feel like stabbing my heart like really. So irritating. Why will it make me feel this way about certain things in a certain way ( notice I cannot be as explicit cause I dont know who is reading) Anyway, I really dont know. I just dont want to put myself into this position again. Its not as if I want to. I dont know why theres this whole other person within thats fighting with myself. yes, someone please refer me to a specialist. I think I need to sort this out. And this is so going against myself. what happened to the promise I made to myself?

Going out with India peeps yesterday was awesome. We went to komalavilla for some south indian food and then to settlers! Heh, I so missed India. I so wished I could have migrated there and stay given I have a clean toilet.  There are so many things I have to do but I guess I have to wait for As to be over first. I want to go europe for backpacking trip like one month. Should start using leonard’s piggy bank to save money. thanks leonard, Its damn cute by the way. I think I realise I want so much out of life now, but yet life has so little to offer for me now I just feel so exasperated. Like Im stuck in this shit and I cannot get out.  okay I guess im feeling stupid. haha.  ignore me.

Anyway, there was SA-NA lunch today and it was really enjoyable. Like really. I feel so much at home. they are no longer my friends, they are more like family. Like we could all just go NTUC and buy our groceries and go to Brian’s place to cook. haha, it was so much fun. Thanks guys and val, I don think we will ever drift away cause you guys are like awesome! So you would be like thinking what the hell we cooked right? haha. Me and steph prepared some honey glazed chicken. Like from scratch okay. Imagine the work we had to do. And the chicken turned out alright considering its our first attempt. After the wonderful christmas lunch where everyone sat at the table and ate ( which was frighteningly serious and slight scary) We watched the all so funny Year One and part of Jumanji. Its so nice to just slack and lepak like a Sunday.

Working meant i could not exercise and I have been pigging out the past few days with the late night rampages of my kitchen I think tmrw, yes on christmas I should go and work out or maybe go run 4km or something. just want to feel more healthy. I didnt know why but angry running that day was so not satisfying. hmm. okay. I dunno why but like this post is damn random.

90’s dance walking angry running.

I guess these days i’ve been using my own version of adverbs like dance walking and angry running. hahaha it is so cool la. Like, I get the meaning i want across so easily! haha. now im singing surfing. figure it out